Uncertain Future
by HomerNet
Summary: Susan becomes the unlikely arbiter in a web of relationships. Reposted by request of Phantom Feline
1. Chapter 1

El Goonish Shive: Uncertain Future 

by Christy "Dame Helen" McFarland

DISCLAIMER: El Goonish Shive is property of Dan Shive, and is used here without permission. No money is being made from this work.

Susan found herself stirring from a fitful sleep and for a moment didn't realize where she was, as usual. This was probably why she was generally so surly most of the time, as an adrenaline rush every morning tends to grate on one's nerves. Once again, as usual, she was in her own bed. _Grumpy already_, she thought, _That has to be a new record, even for me_.

She felt a body stir in her arms and realized that not only was she in her own bed, she was next to her part-time husband, part-time wife, Justin. With a slight smile, Susan ran her palm over the smooth female flesh of her spouse to the bulge in the other woman's stomach. To say that she never expected this when she was a little girl would be a pretty big understatement. When little girls dream of their married life, they think of a handsome Prince Charming carrying them off to have lots of perfect children and a white picket fence and all that. Being the Prince just wasn't in her plans, but then, she wouldn't trade her child, now growing in her husband-turned-wife's belly, for anything, let alone for some childhood dream that was shattered when her father cheated on her mother.

Gently, so as not to wake Justin, Susan disentangled her arm from under the sleeping woman's body and quietly slid out of bed. She glanced at the clock and saw a glowing green "1:30 AM" staring back at her. Sighing, knowing she wouldn't get any sleep until she figured out what had woken her, she grabbed her bathrobe off the chair next to her desk to cover her bare chest. The problem with going to bed transformed was that she would change back in the middle of the night, but her husband loved being held in masculine arms, especially when he was female. Her transformation belt hit the carpeted floor with a thump. Silently thankful that they didn't stick with the hardwood floors the apartment came with, Susan picked up the belt and draped it over the back of the chair again. Susan would have just worn it to bed, as she could sleep in just about any clothing and it held the transformation longer than the hard-programmed limit of one hour, but Justin had said the buckle woke him up at night. Susan had taken to waking up before Justin and using the belt just to see his face when he woke up to his "husband," it was a smile that put the stars out of work. This interruption in her night's sleep was way too early for that, though.

She adjusted the waistband of her pajama bottoms, slid the robe over her bare chest, and stepped out into the hallway. Almost immediately she stepped on a quill. Curses of "Stupid cat!" were spouted as she knelt down to twitch the quill out without further injuring herself on the quill's barb, a move that she had come to perfect over the years. She had gotten used to the quills, but that didn't mean they hurt any less. Grumbling, she headed for the kitchen, tossing the quill into the trash as she went by it, and grabbed a glass for water.

She was just about to pull the tab for the filtered water tap when she heard a sort of sniffling moan. Pausing in her action, she looked out over the kitchen counter into the great room. She could make out a form tossing and turning on the couch. She put her glass on the counter and went into the great room and knelt down next to the couch. Junior paced up the length of the back of the couch, looking down at the woman there with feline concern. "Hey, Junior," whispered Susan, "She's got you up too, huh?"

Nanase was crying in her sleep. Occasionally she would whimper, "Don't take the kiss back," or, "I'll drown!" Not being one to overanalyze without all the information, Susan reached out and shook Nanase, "Hey, Red, wake up. You're keeping the cat awake."

Gasping, Nanase snatched at Susan's arm, nearly bruising her. Damn, thought Susan, I keep forgetting she still works out more than most professional trainers. "Ellen!" Nanase gasped out.

"Heh, sorry. My tastes are more for blonds."

Nanase's eyes slowly focused on Susan. "Oh, sorry," she said, "I..."

"Was having a bad dream? Yes, you woke up me and Junior." She indicated the cat/hedgehog/whatever that was presently peering down at Nanase.

Nanase reached up and scratched the cat-monster on the chin. "Sorry, kitten," she said, "Aunty is just having nightmares again. You can stop worrying about me." Junior purred as Nanase's magic and ki strengthened nails dug through his heavy coat of wiry fur to his skin.

"The cat," Susan said, "May be able to stop worrying that easily, but I can't. This is, what, four nights in a row now? My couch is open, but you're waking me up and I've got a pregnant woman to take care of, in addition to a job."

Nanase's face took an appropriately chastened look as her scratching of Junior slowed slightly. Junior, in protest, pushed his head against the redhead's hand until she worked her scratching back up to Junior approved levels. "I...I'm sorry."

"You want to talk about them?"

"The nightmares?" at Susan's nod, she said, "I suppose."

Susan lifted herself off the floor and sat down in the nearby recliner. She knew from experience that it could take a while for Nanase to get to the heart of whatever her problem was. She was glad that Nanase was finally willing to talk. When the woman had showed up on the Tolkienberry doorstep nearly a week ago in tears and with a suitcase, Susan and Justin had attempted to prod information from her, but the redhead wouldn't talk about whatever the problem was. Susan knew that for Ellen to have turned out Nanase, it must have been pretty bad. Ellen had so many demons in her past that Nanase, Elliot, Sarah, hell, the whole crew had put up with to varying degrees, so Ellen was more forgiving of the other's foibles than some priests.

Nanase sat up and Junior hopped into her lap. With a shuddering breath, Nanase calmed herself enough to speak. "You remember the incident with Damien?" It was a rhetorical question. Nobody in the original crew, or O.C. as it came to be known, could forget the Damien episode. "Well, around that time, I started having these dreams." Nanase's petting of Junior took an automatic pace as her eyes became unfocussed, playing back the dreams in her own mind. "I would be underwater, in the ocean. Deep underwater. I could see the surface, but I couldn't swim hard enough to reach it. Then, as I was starting to lose strength in my arms, I would see Ellen. She was a mermaid. She was..." Nanase paused, collecting another shuddering breath and losing a tear down her cheek, "She was beautiful. She swam up to me and..." Nanase's free hand went up to her mouth, gently brushing her lips with the tips of her fingers. Susan knew how the sentence ended. She had caught herself performing the same maneuver in quiet, unguarded moments when she would think about Justin and herself kissing. Nanase cleared her throat and continued, "Suddenly, I could breath! It was the most incredible thing, I wasn't drowning, even though I was underwater. Then, I noticed that I had turned into a mermaid, too. Then, we would swim off together, and..." Nanase swallowed. "The last few nights, though, I've been dreaming that I'm swimming along as a mermaid, looking for Ellen. I'll find Ellen, but she's always angry with me. It's then I realize that to get to her, I have to swim through water with some hungry sharks. The sharks scare me so much that I can't go on. Then Ellen says something about not trusting me and I feel my fins turn into legs, and my lungs start to fill with water and I can't breath it..." Nanase started to silently cry again.

Susan thought about what Nanase said for a bit. In spite of years of separation, implanted memories, and unique experiences, Ellen was still essentially Elliot in a girl's body. Sure, she was more comfortable with the female form than Elliot, but she was still aggressive, sometimes overbearing, and also rather demanding of how those around her should act. It was thanks to this similarity that Susan could take a look at another relationship to see where the problems with this one lay without being terribly off.

Sarah and Elliot had gotten into a few spats in the past, mostly about the proper way to raise their two kids. Elliot wanted the boys to charge into fights and take out the "bad guy," and Sarah was adamantly against the practice and would worry constantly about the boys getting hurt. This had something to do with the fact that the boys could, like their father, change into both anthrofelines and girls at will, and were a whole lot more comfortable with it than Elliot. Sarah was worried that the boys would "go girl" at the wrong time and lose whatever strength advantage they might have and then...

Elliot had the same concerns, of course, but his philosophy was substantially different, in that the more combat experience the boys got, the less likely they would lose at the worst time.

With Elliot, it was all about courage to face the challenge. It was the same with Ellen.

"So," said Susan, breaking the silence, "I take it that you haven't told your mother about your choice in life partner yet?"

Nanase didn't react at first. She probably knew that Susan could guess what the latest round of fights was about based on just the nightmare. Junior had by this time started the steady breathing of a cat that was just asleep enough to not worry about being petted, and so didn't notice when Nanase stopped stroking him and used both hands to wipe the tears off her face. She shook her head in the negative and stayed quiet.

They sat in silence for a while, Susan's mother's grandfather clock ticking away in the corner. After a few minutes, Susan spoke up. "Did I ever tell you about the time I introduced my mother to Justin as my fiance?"

Nanase looked up, slightly startled by this change of topic. "No, I don't think you ever did."

"Well, I don't think you were there when she first met him. You remember the party where we watched movies all night for the first time? Ellen threatened to skinnydip in the pool."

For the first time in nearly a week, Nanase smiled warmly. "She pretended to sleep on the TV."

Susan raised an eyebrow, "Really? I never knew that."

"Well, when you reacted the way you did when we sat on your kitchen counter, I figured it was best you not know."

Susan chuckled slightly. "Well, anyway, while you two were assaulting my home, I was telling Mom that a boy was staying over for the night. I told her Justin was gay, and she was OK with him staying at that point."

"What about it?"

"I didn't know he was gay at the time."

This revalation took a moment to sink in, then Nanase started snickering. "So..."

"Yes, yes, Justin loves teasing me about it. Moving on..." Susan waved her hand as if to clear the air. "Well, imagine her surprise that her daughters gay friend who's been over several times for movie nights is suddenly her daughter's fiance. Imagine further, if you will, her overhearing talk about having children together. It's one thing for a gay man to marry a woman as a 'beard,' but..."

"A what?"

"...I sometimes forget that you're not as actively gay as Justin. The term 'beard' is used for the companion of a closetted gay person. For instance, if a gay boy is afraid that his homosexuality is going to be a problem with his parents, he'll get a 'girlfriend' who knows he's gay and willingly goes along with the charade. Mom expected that I was going to be Justin's 'beard' and he would be mine. Remember, she wanted me to be a lesbian to 'spare me' the trauma of being betrayed by a man."

"You were kind of thinking the same thing, if I recall right." said Nanase with a smile.

Susan smiled back, "Yes, and people change. For instance, I never thought that I'd ever want to be with a man after what my Dad did to my Mom and me, but then I go and fall in love with Justin, and he, by some miracle, falls in love with me."

"I gotta say," interjected Nanase, "I don't think anyone in the O.C. saw that coming."

Susan hummed in agreement. "Well, when Mom overheard us talking about actually having kids together and she flipped. She barged into my room and started yelling at me about ruining everything she had worked for, about being weak and a fool, and accusing Justin of being just like Dad." It was Susan's turn to get a bit choked up. "I saw Justin's face...he looked like he'd been punched in the kidney. He knew what Dad had done and was sickened by the whole thing. I think it's the fact that Justin is attracted to men in the first place that got him so revolted at Dad's actions. Well, then I did something I thought I'd never do."

Susan paused for a moment, pondering what to say next. What she had done that evening was something she didn't like to recall. Not only was it totally out of character, the fear in her mother's eyes... "Well, I showed Mom some of the magic I had access to."

A heavy silence settled between the two. Nanase seemed to be processing what Susan said, thinking about the time and where their studies had taken them at that point. "Susan," she began, "Wasn't the magic you resorted to when you were angry at the time..."

"My sword." Susan finished the sentence for Nanase. "Before my mother could finish calling Justin a perverted bastard...I had my sword against her neck, I had pinned her against the wall. My anger was pushing extra energy into the sword to the point it was vibrating. Justin had to pull me off my mother." With a flick of her wrist, Susan summoned her sword. She showed the bladed edge to Nanase in the dim light. There was a small splotch of bloodstain halfway up the blade. "I could have made sure the blood disapeared next time I summoned it, but I need it there to remind me of that night that I almost lost control of my emotions. I almost killed my mother, Nanase, because I love Justin that much."

Susan dismissed the sword. Nanase continued staring at the spot where the bloodstain had been. After a moment, Susan continued. "Mom left the room for a bit, Justin calmed me down and then went to check on her. Turns out she had fainted from shock when she got to the downstairs living room. He cleaned her up and carried her back to her room, then waited for her to wake up. By that time my magic had exhausted me. In my anger I had summoned too much mana for the job and had wiped out my resources, so I wound up crying myself to sleep. I found out later that Justin and Mom had talked for a long time when Mom came to. He explained what he knew of my magic, how we met, the O.C., Grace, the TFGun... to say mom was a bit shellshocked... Anyway, by the time I woke up in the morning, they were starting out as good friends."

"And when Justing got pregnent..."

"Well," smiled Susan, "He's now an honerary woman, so he's the perfect spouse in her eyes now. It doesn't hurt that he knows how to keep house and do hair. She was ecstatic when he proved what he was capable of after he went to cosmetology school."

They sat in silence again, the clock ticking away, then gently chiming out the second hour after midnight. Junior stirred at the muted sound and decided to hop off of Nanase's lap and wander into the kitchen. After a moment, they heard the crunching of a cat chewing on dry cat food. A couple of minutes later, Susan stood up and made sure her robe was gathered properly.

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"So you're saying I should tell my mother?"

"I'm saying that introducing Justin to my mother was almost a disaster but turned out great. I have no idea how your mother will take it."

"So what should I do?"

Susan stood in the darkened living room, examining Nanase closely. "Ellen is upset that you won't confront your mother?"

Nanase seemed to fold up on herself again. "Yes," she mumbled after a moment's hesitation.

"You love Ellen?"

Nanase straightened up her neck and looked Susan in the eyes, "Yes."

Susan paused again, then said, "You don't need me to tell you what to do then."

With that, Susan stopped briefly in the kitchen for her glass of water and went to bed.

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

El Goonish Shive: Uncertain Future 

by Christy "Dame Helen" McFarland

DISCLAIMER: El Goonish Shive is property of Dan Shive, and is used here without permission. No money is being made from this work. Siskel and Ebert, Ebert and Roeper, related properties are owned by Buena Vista.

"...Susan felt this work lacked a substantive story, but I thought it was a tour-de-force of technical genius and good acting. And finally, El Goonish Shive, an oddly named movie about a girl who can transform into a squirrel and the adventures she has with her friends. Susan and I both gave it a thumbs up, even though I thought it could have used a more believable plot. And that will about do it for this week, I'm Richard Roeper..."

"And I'm Susan Tolkienberry, and until next week, the balcony is closed."

With that, the cameraman began his slow pan back and the lighting crew dimmed the lights slightly to make the set look like a movie theater going dark. Rolling credits would be added in post, as well as the cheesy music that hadn't changed in a few decades. Richard began the silly "credit banter" that the original Siskel and Ebert made famous when they first did their show, "Seriously, the story to El Goonish Shive is totally off the wall. The writer makes it internally consistent but at the expense of requiring some serious suspension of disbelief."

"It's the internal consistency that makes it so easy to suspend that disbelief. After all, even if there had been one..."

"Aaaaand, CUT!" the director interrupted, "That's great guys, another good episode."

Richard leaned back in his seat and exhaled deeply, "Internal consistencies?" he cast at Susan.

"The cameras are off, we can stop debating now." Susan's dry delivery was unchanged from the days of her youth. If Richard hadn't worked with her for a year by that point, he would likely have thought that was it.

Richard chuckled, "There is something I've got to ask," he began, "The one character, Tiffany, did you do any consulting for this film? She seems an awful lot like you."

This statement actually earned a small smile from Susan. "I did no consulting, it looks like the writer just read my bio on the web site and watched a few episodes. As far as I know, I've never even met this Dan Shive. Nice writer though, even if he named the movie after himself." This was a total fabrication. "Dan Shive" was a codename for the team of writers that had been put together by the late Mr. Verres as his last act as Alien Relations Director. The old guy had just approved the final script when he was found in his bed, having died naturally in his sleep.

"Well, I guess we'll have to disagree. I mean, Men In Black was one thing, but aliens just living among us was done to death a long time ago. People just aren't going to believe it as a story anymore."

As Richard stood up from his seat, Susan and the director glanced at each other and winked, the director using his second eyelids that were usually concealed from view.

~o0o0o~

The car, like all things made by Tedd for the O.C., was good looking and generally easy to handle, but had it's quirks. For instance, it didn't use a gear mechanism for the different engine speeds, it simply redirected the torque through a little box that Tedd refused to elaborate on how it worked, other than to say "subspace," which, as any Trekkie knows, is another word for, "I don't know, it just works."

Susan turned the wheel to pull on to a main street looking for a place to eat. She was hungry for a good ol' fashioned burger, not one of the kind made from synthetic meat, but the real, a-cow-died-for-you kind of burger. Sure, it was more expensive, but reviewing "El Goonish Shive" had reminded her of the old days and she was feeling a bit nostalgic. There weren't many places that sold "real" burgers anymore, and one of the best in town was...

"Welcome to Hedge's Bar and Grill," said the waitress without looking up from her job of sorting menus, "I'll be right with...Susan?" Vladia nearly dropped her menus when she looked up. "Hey, just take a seat, I'll be right with you."

"Thanks Vladia. I'll have my usual for drinks, but I'm in a mood today for lunch." said Susan as she went to her favorite place at the bar. Before she made it halfway, she stopped at the recognition of a head of red hair, and redirected her path to the booth at the far end of the restaurant."Well, well. Fancy meeting you here."

Nanase looked up from her food, startled. She had obviously been just poking at her salad and her sandwich sat half-eaten on a plate next to her glass of barely touched soda. "Oh, hi...uhm, what brings you here?"

Susan sat down, and before she could respond to Nanase, Vladia set a Vanilla Coke in front of Susan. "What did you need to order that was so special today?"

Susan offered a smile, "I need one of your brother's Superburgers, made with real beef and extra onion, and make that sauteed onion."

"Sounds good," said Vladia with a smile, "One death by cow with extra mouthfunk, coming up!" While Vladia had mellowed out considerably in the last few years, she still had a singular way of casually insulting someone in ways that Susan couldn't quite match, though of the O.C., Susan was the closest match, and that made for the basis of a good friendship between the two once "The Family" got out of the lab. Vladia went to get the order filled and left the two women to talk. "Talk," being purely theoretical, as there was very little in the way of actual conversation. Nanase continued to poke her salad around it's plate and would occasionally make as if to take a sip from her soda. Susan simply watched the other woman.

"Well, this is dead city," Vladia interrupted suddenly. This startled both women and a bit of Nanase's salad flew through the air briefly before landing on the table. "You two are the only ones here and you're making about as much ruckus as a sloth convention." The former "flying zoo" slid into the seat next to Susan.

Susan chuckled a bit, "Well, I guess as entertainment, we should be fired. Oh, wait, we're not being paid."

"Well, don't expect back wages and you don't get unemployment."

"Oh, like we'd beg for money, we can take our act elsewhere..." Nanase started giggling, a sound which relieved Susan quite a bit, "About time you did something besides sulk."

"Yeah," said Vladia, "What's your deal, anyway? You walk in, mumble your order, and then just sit there pokin' at it. I happen to know Hedge didn't drop any hair or quills in it this time..."

Nanase sighed depressingly, "I..." she trailed off.

Susan glanced between Nanase, who had gone back to staring at her food, and Vladia. She came to a decision, "Ellen kicked her out."

Nanase glared at Susan while Vladia's expression didn't falter as she took in what she had just heard, "I'm sorry," she said, "I thought you said Ellen kicked out Nanase."

"I did."

It took another moment. Susan counted down in her head, 3...2...1...and...

"THAT LITTLE TRAMP!" shouted Vladia.

"Hey! Don't scare away the business!" snapped Hedge, who was wearing an apron, a cooks hat, and carrying a tray. "I finished the order a minute ago and you never showed to pick it up. Who ordered the dead cow?" Susan waved her hand briefly, "Oh, hey Susan, didn't realize you came in, different order for you today." Hedge checked the doorway to see if anyone looked like they were going to come in, decided he could take a little extra time, and slid into the seat next to Nanase. "So, little sis, what got you riled up?"

"...little...tramp...stupid...arogant..."

"OK, so, Susan, as you're the only one I know that can get Vladia that upset, what'd you say to her?"

"Ellen kicked Nanase out of their house."

Vladia continued to fume as Hedge took in what Susan said. A quick glance at Nanase, who had gone back to staring at her plate, seemed to confirm the news in his mind, "So, any reason, or just a lover's spat?"

"The issue has to do with Nanase's continued reluctance to 'come out of the closet,' so to speak, to her mother."

Hedge sighed. Having dealt with Nanase's mother shortly after the bar opened, he knew the problem. In that case, Nanase had invited her family, just as the rest of the O.C. did (those that had families) to the opening night party, and Vladia had brought her "conquest" of the time. That particular date was a woman, and the resulting argument between Vladia and Nanase's mother killed the party a scant half-hour after it started. Hedge had pretty much told the woman that she was no longer welcome in his restaurant, and she had a few choice words about the owner and his sister. Nothing had been said at the time about Ellen's origin, the O.C., or any of the more 'out of the ordinary' things that the O.C. dealt with on a daily basis, and nobody had thought to bring it up to the woman since. Of course, Nanase was the only member of the O.C. who would go near her mother after that particular incident.

"Let me guess," Hedge said, "The Dunkels want a family Christmas this year and are putting pressure on Ellen to bring Nanase's family?" Susan simply looked at Nanase, who nodded. "Ah, and Ellen has been trying to get Nanase to confront her family for years, and this just opened that old wound."

"Brilliant, brother dear. That's a stunning psychological evaluation for someone who runs a restaurant." growled Vladia.

"Cool it," said Susan, "The problem is Nanase, not Ellen. For once, I agree with Ellen, this has been going on far too long."

"What?" Nanase's head shot up and her back was ramrod straight, "But..."

"But nothing. Can you honestly think of any sort of good reason to prolong this any farther?" Nanase didn't speak. "Your significant other has bent over backwards on this issue for how long? This has moved beyond hoping to spare yourself the pain of telling your mother and into the realm of jeopardizing your relationship with the one person you care about more than anything else in this galaxy."

Nanase wilted again, "I know, I really do need to tell her. I...it's just...she's my mom!" with that, Nanase burst into tears. Vladia and Hedge, not having had a mother, could only look on in concern. Susan realized it once again fell upon her to comfort her friend.

She waved Vladia and Hedge out of their seats and sat next to Nanase. Gently, she pulled Nanase's head to her shoulder and began rocking Nanase. _Damn the woman! _thought Susan, _This should be her job to comfort her child, not that of a friend who's barely above an associate!_

The four stayed like that for a few minutes as Nanase's crying began to fade from near hysterical to gentle sobs. Suddenly a phone range. Vladia cursed and pulled her cell out of her pocket. "Hello?" she snarled. She yanked the phone away from her ear as a loud voice issued an enthusiastic greeting. "Damnit," she hissed to the other three, "It's Guiness. I can't get him to shut up these days, I'll take it into the other room." With that she left for the kitchen.

"You guys going to be OK?" Hedge asked. The other two nodded. "I should join her, dinner rush is going to start soon." With that he left them alone.

They sat for a moment in silence. Nanase was the first to speak, "I don't know if I can do it alone."

Susan thought for a moment, "You won't have to."

"But Ellen isn't..."

"Not Ellen, she doesn't understand about facing a reluctant parent. You and I are going over to your mother's place tonight."

_To be continued... _


End file.
